4 Lame NES Games

My Famicom collection isn't exactly extensive, but I have a few lame games that aren't deserving of a full review. In this article, I'm going to give you a short overview of these games that frustrated me as a kid.

Dragon Ball - Shen Long no Nazo

OK, so this isn't that bad of a game, but it's still not deserving of a full review. You control Goku, and you're on a journey to find all 7 dragon balls. Since this game is fairly challenging, I've never been able to collect all 7, but I've gotten as far as 5 (which is basically just 2 stages since you start with 3). The action element of the game is pretty fun, but still leaves something to be desired, especially in terms of balance. Your health doesn't just go down when you get hit by enemies; it also goes down as you're walking around. Now a lot of the enemies aren't that hard to defeat, but boss battles, on the other hand, can be pretty challenging (like Yamcha, for example). It's cool that they used music from the original Dragon Ball anime, but it's annoying that it jumps to a dialogue screen every few minutes (or when you reach your destination).

Kamen Rider Club

So at first this game seems fairly promising. You choose from 3 different Riders at the beginning of the game, jump around, punch enemies in the head, punch through blocks and collect money. Depending on the Rider you pick you play a different level, which is kind of cool. But this isn't just a side scrolling action game. No, they've incorporated an RPG element to the game as well. Sometimes when you get near an enemy, you are forced into RPG style combat, which requires you to mash buttons incessantly. It takes awhile to get a hang of it, and you'd be lucky to survive your first few encounters. I guess that's why you have money and shops placed at random intervals (you're supposed to buy stuff). In fact, the whole game seems to require a lot of button mashing, including climbing walls.

I love it when you hit your head on the ceiling. Your character doesn't take any damage, but your head is flattened, the music changes to something really goofy, and the character's movements become impaired (i.e. climbing) for about 10 seconds. Speaking of which, the music isn't half bad. OK, so this isn't a horrible game, but it's glitchy, it's difficult, and the frame rate is pretty bad in some places. I hardly think it's worth playing through.

Magmax

OK, this really isn't a bad game either, though it could have benefited from more development time. Magmax is basically a quirky side-scrolling shooter.

There doesn't seem to be more than 2 music themes in the game; one above ground theme, and one underground theme (you can warp between the two using the grey holes located at random intervals). There's no boss music either. Both of the themes seem way too cheery, as if this game was a self-parody. Speaking of bosses, there only seems to be one; a robotic hydra looking thing. I've never made it all the way through the game, so I wouldn't know if there is anything beyond, but after about 15 minutes of gameplay I encountered the same hydra twice.

The upgrades in this game are kind of funny as well. You basically start as a little ship, and you can gain up to 3 upgrades; a torso attachment, a leg attachment, and some kind of stomach beam attachment. When you have all of the upgrades you can take more hits, but unfortunately you also become larger and thus a bigger target. What a strange game.

Saint Seiya - Ougon Densetsu

Oh man. I don't even want to play this one. Much like Kamen Rider, Saint Seiya was a popular Japanese series, though Kamen Rider was best known for its live action TV show, and Saint Seiya, for its manga/anime series. Much like Kamen Rider Club, this is another strange Action RPG hybrid, and you start by fighting your trainer who you can't do any damage to, and eventually you get beaten. I thought that's what was supposed to happen in order for the story to progress, but apparently you just keep encountering her over and over (presumably until you beat her). Well I can't figure out this game's combat system, and I don't even want to. Pass this game up. Just trust me on that.

This article was originally published on August 13, 2008.